Wine reviewers spend the better half of the day sipping and spitting and the other half stringing all those damn adjectives and adverbs together to come up with a spiffy, make you feel all fuzzy inside wine review that will make your head spin.
Well, enough is enough.
The new trend for 2010 is automated notes generators.
Huh? You heard me. Automated notes generators.
“Writing can be such a pain in the butt“, exclaims Enobytes wine reviewer, Pamela Heiligenthal. “…but with a tool like this, I can whip out a review in a matter of seconds…and I swear this tool reads minds“. She went on to say, “…we’ve already done extensive testing and we’ve found this tool invaluable – I don’t think we’ll ever go back to writing reviews the ‘ol fashioned way“.
Marc Hinton, Enobytes contributor and reviewer went on to say, “…this will free up a lot of time for our wine reviewers to focus on more important things like community service. Well at least the court ordered kind. Yeah, its time to get that off our records and make our probation officer happy“.
Ok, I gotta come clean now, it’s a joke! But if you want a good laugh and you enjoy making fun of stogy wine review write-ups, you should check out this cool tool called Silly Tasting Notes Generator. Tech guru Greg Sumner created a Perl script to generate wacky random tasting notes by pulling adverbs, adjectives and flavors from an online wine source and then he strings them together to create hilarious reviews such as these:
Wicked and desperate Syrah. Kicks you with toothpaste, closed french onion soup and perceptable skittle. Drink now through 2011.
Unimpressive and middle-aged Voignier. Drops pixie stick, focused jack cheese and forward slim jims. Drink now through April.
Overaged but equally desperate Cabernet Franc. Forcefully bites you with saltine, extra-ripe hair-spray and perceptable cactus. Drink now through Friday.
Powerful but over-the-top Chenin Blanc. Attacks with string cheese, sassy poi and atomic traces of pork rind. Drink now through Christmas.
Can’t get enough? Head on over to the Tasting Notes Generator and take it for a spin.
…and if you’re still looking for more ways to waste your precious time, why don’t you join the #VinQ Enobytes gang on Twitter for a bit of wine trivia? We play every Tuesday at 5PM PST. It’s a lot of fun for novices and experts alike.